Agents of PRANKS
by RelativeTheory
Summary: Fitz decides that it's been far too long without a prank. Little does he know that the other members have been thinking the same thing. Basically random S.H.I.E.L.D. humor.
1. Chapter 1

**I missed April Fools. ****This fanfiction takes place sometime mid-first season.**

* * *

_**"Stop laughing, I'm serious."**_

* * *

Fitz decided that it had been far too long without freshmen prankings, or any prankings at all, for that matter. Especially since his last attempt had failed so badly. Of course, he decided to go over his idea with Simmons first, to see if she wanted in. Actually, they were in the lab together.  
Currently, they were just fiddling with some cold case on the table. Or actually Fitz was. Simmons was a few normal tables away, looking through syringes and microscopes and the sort. Fitz decided to change that.

He started off with a casual phrase. "I've been thinking."

"Yes?" Simmons was examining something through her goggles. Fitz came around the table and leaned in.

"I think it's time we tried one of those pranks again."

Simmons looked up. "But Skye's not a freshman anymore."

"Who said it had to be limited to freshmen?" Simmons stared at him. "Does this have anything to do with the monkey-" She was cut off as Ward entered the room. "We're leaving. Gear up." Simmons smiled. "Oh, lovely, where are we off to now?" Ward didn't even glance her way as he got his stuff. "You're smart, you'll probably figure it out, so I don't need to waste time on telling you. The only thing you need to know is to do our technical stuff and stay out of our way. And fix my gun," he added, throwing it onto the table. All the holograms promptly fell off. "Excuse me-" Fitz began, but Ward stormed out of the lab, leaving him and Simmons with looks ranging from astonished to offended.

Fitz turned to Simmons quickly. "So, you in or not?"

Simmons slowly turned her head, her straight face finally changing to a grin. "After all, it never had to be limited to freshmen, did it?"

"What did?" Both Fitz and Simmons turned around in perfect symmetry. Fitz started stuttering. "Coulson, sir. We were just….I mean, we were…" Simmons gave him an exasperated smile. "Oh silly Fitz! He was trying to spend his mutual saving fund on a monkey habitat in Swahili. Good thing I'm around to keep him on task." Fitz gave her a look of disbelief. Coulson raised his eyebrows. "Well then. I was just checking on you to see how you were doing, but I guess that you have it all under control." Coulson started to leave, and Simmons' smile became a bit confused. "Err…have…what under control, sir?" Coulson turned back around. "You know, the files and history of all connections between underground mining facilities and casualties in central and western Slozcheckistan. Didn't Ward tell you? We'll be there in 30 minutes." Coulson gave them a half-nod of assurance and walked out of the room. For the second time in that hour, Fitz and Simmons stared at the door with looks ranging from astonishment to offendedness. Then Fitz turned to Simmons.

"A monkey habitat. In Swahili."

"What else was I supposed to say?!"

"Why would I spend a saving fund on a monkey habitat in Swahili?!"

"I don't know…I-"

"Swahili's not even a country!"

"Well I didn't see any ideas coming out of you!" Simmons burst, flustered.

Fitz started to say something back, but sighed. There was no use reasoning with her. "Anyways, I guess we better start searching on all the mining facilities in-"

"Yes, yes, central and western Slozcheckistan." Simmons started putting away her cell cases.

"And then we'll have to have a nice long angry talk with Ward." He eyed Ward's gun, left untouched on the table. "Or maybe... we don't have to."

Simmons' jaw dropped. "Fitz, are you suggesting-"

"Yes." Fitz's mouth set into a straight line. "That is exactly what I am suggesting."

…

Coulson was halfway to the deck when Agent Ward stopped him.

"Sir, you know that Slozcheckistan doesn't exist." Coulson continued walking, and Ward matched his stride. "Exactly."

"Sir, I don't really understand."

"With a pressured time limit and no existing data, I wonder what they'll come up with. It'll be fun." Coulson put on his sunglasses and gave him the briefest of smiles.

Ward got the gist. "So it's a joke. That's very humorous of you, sir-"

Coulson stopped and turned to him. "Ward?"

"Yes?" Ward stood like a statue. Or a bodyguard. He looked the part.

"You really, really need to get out more." Coulson patted his shoulder and walked off. "I'll meet you in half an hour."

* * *

** Fitz and his diabolical plans. He's my favorite character. **

**I'm not exactly sure how long this is going to be (I'm thinking 3 chapters) or if I should add more afterwards. Either way, enjoy!**

**Update: We must not talk about Swahili again.**


	2. Chapter 2

Fitz and Simmons were in the midst of a much unarticulated plan when the familiar sound of the sliding door opened and Coulson entered the room. He did a very good job of keeping the grin off his face. Then again, the sunglasses he wore covered half of it.

"Fitzsimmons! What have you got?" For about five seconds, they seemed in the midst of frantic whispering; Simmons made sure she had a last word, then turned around with a file in hand.

"Well, sir, with the short amount of time you gave us, we did what we could." She smiled graciously. Fitz carried on for her.

"We found that the western and southern points are warring over central Slozcheckistan. We also have a map!" Simmons brought up the projector, revealing a very poorly drawn peanut shaped lump. At least, that's what it looked like.

"What are they fighting over? Territory? Data?" Skye was writing all of the information down on her hand-holdable laptop. Simmons and Fitz gave each other a look.

"Err…" They both answered at the same time.

"Powder."

"Puppies."

Skye raised an eyebrow. Fitz started rambling.

"You see, there's these powder puppy keychain collectibles, these chubby little dogs about this big" He demonstrated with his hands.

"They're made to look like donuts. With different colored scented powder on it. But-"

"But it's unclear who the powder puppy corporation belongs to. Both sides want the money. And guess where the main factory is…" Fitz waited for a few seconds, and then answered his own question. "In central Slozcheckistan. I..I didn't mean for it to be rhetorical-"

"And now," interrupted Simmons, "The western side is deciding they've had enough and are putting flavor-scented explosives inside each powder puppy that activate when you squeeze them."

"They want to put an inflatable in the Macy's parade." Fitz blurted out. Everyone stared at him.

"But-but that's not the point," he hastily continued. "Just so we're clear. Don't write that down." Skye erased whatever she had just put on her laptop.

There was silence for a few moments.

"Is there anything else?" Coulson stood there, rising up and down on the head and toe of his shoes.

"That's it, sir." Simmons said. "As I said, there was a shortened time limit, if I knew it sooner, I would have-"

"It's fine." Jemma looked up." I just have to ask you though…" Coulson took off his sunglasses. "How much of this did you make up in the last fifty seconds that we were standing here?"

Both of the scientists' eyes went wide. "Um…all of it?" Fitz tried.

Coulson nodded. "I thought so. There was a reason why you couldn't find information on it. Slozcheckistan doesn't exist." He started to leave, but Simmons had to know…

"Were we convincing?" Coulson grinned.

"You were terrible." He left through the sliding door, Skye following.

Fitz and Simmons stood there silently. Both of them would have probably stayed there forever, if a giant tremor hadn't shaken them both to the ground. They got up quickly. Then they ran to stop the equipment from crashing.

"What is going on?!" shouted Fitz.

"Fitz, they can't hear you. The door is closed." One last jolt sent everything to the floor, scientists included. Fitz watched a fire extinguisher roll by. It was round. And red. And exactly what he didn't want to see in that moment. Still, he grabbed it and joined Simmons. Some hushed debate went by. Simmons and Fitz switched weapons. Some more hushed debate went by before the door finally opened. Together, they nodded, and crept silently down the hall.

* * *

**Judging by the first season, I think that Simmons is waaaay too attached to the fire extinguisher. I wonder how many of them she has.**


	3. Chapter 3

**It's been almost three weeks, and this chapter is short and doesn't really reveal much. Sorry about that.**

* * *

_**"Wikipedia solves everything.**__**"**_

* * *

The lights were flickering, making shadows dance on the walls in ways unnecessary. Fitz was starting to wish he had gone back and stabilized the wires, but there was no time. Besides, there were more important things to do.

"It's strange," said Simmons.

"What is?"

"The emergency lights should be on. Or the alert. Or _something_. But it's not. There was only a jolt, and then the lights flickered, and then here we are about to round this corner." What was really worrying Simmons, though she didn't say it, was that the plane was specifically programmed to prevent things like these. Oh, sure, maybe they had been ambushed now and then, but usually it was stable. Unless someone had gotten inside.

"I didn't think this hallway had a corner." Fitz broke her out of her analytical thoughts. Both of them slowed and peered out at the bend to an almost pitch dark space.

"I don't notice anything…unusual," Simmons whispered. "You, anything?"

"Nothing. Of course, I don't have a robotic eye, so I can't see through pitch dark hallways, but if you could please move your extinguisher O' power from my back, I might be able to concentrate." Fitz answered, slightly annoyed.

_BANG._

Both of their heads snapped up.

"What was that?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's an intruder. Or possibly an alien. Or maybe even Tho-"

_BANG_.

Both of them fell silent, shrinking towards the other side of the wall.

_BANG_.

A whitish glow began to emerge from the opposite hallway. Somewhere between the brightness a large shadow loomed.

_BANG_.

Another shadow, from the far side of the hallway they were on. It seemed identical to the first. Whitish glow. Massive figure.

Both were rounding the corner, coming towards them. It was all Fitz and Simmons could do not to fight.

However, their will to stay in place didn't last very long. Fitz and Simmons struck out: Fitz with a wooden stick, Simmons with her fire extinguisher.

The weapons only hit air.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! Hopefully more pranks and other stuff will appear next chapter come...**

**/Topic Switch/**

**AAAAAA AGE OF ULTRON COMES OUT TOMORROW IS ANYONE ELSE EXCITED ABOUT THIS?! (well, assuming you are on a Marvel related Fanfic...)**

**I want to see how they managed to put like a bazillion upgrades of comic book Ultrons and Vision into two hours of screen time and make it work. From what I've seen in the trailers, it still looks really good.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Aaaand it's up! Sorry for taking so long. Enjoy!  
**

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_**Sometimes exactly what I want to hear is exactly what I don't want to hear.  
**_

* * *

Skye jumped back. "What the-"

Simmons breathed in relief. "Oh, it's just you. I was worried it was some _alien_ or some kind of thing like that!" Simmons laughed nervously.

Fitz came up behind Simmons, rubbing his back. "Next time we do that, I get the fire extinguisher, you get the stick." He rolled his neck, joints popping.

"Sorry" was all that May said. Then she got to buisness.

"Have you found anything on the power outage?" Simmons sighed.

"No, unfortunatly we're as oblivious as you are. We were on our way to the controls to see if eveything is alright. Speaking of which, why are you out here? Aren't you supposed to be flying the plane?"

"Plane grew dark before I came out of the cockpit area."

"We landed, by the way," said Skye. "Just in case you wanted to know." She pulled out a notepad. "Computer's off, wifi's out, so I'm using _this _guy for all my stuff. Anyways, the time of the blackout was almost identical to the time of the landing, so there must be something related."

"Um...if the power's off, then why are you still glowing? In fact, why are you glowing at all?"

"Strontium crystal. They're phospherescent." May brought out a small glowing lump and cocked her head slightly to the left. "Didn't Simmons tell you? She's the one who made them."

"I meant to tell you I was working on them with this type of soft crystal mixed with strontium but I didn't have enough to make more than the prototypes so we were going to stop off at a joint and then the plane crashed and-"

"Tehcnically," Skye butted in, "we landed before the power went out."

"Don't you find that odd? That it happened after, not before? It was like someone didn't want to harm it's contents." Fitz's eyes flashed. "Where are we, really?"

"That's classified." May swung Fitz's stick around.

"We're in Aberdeen." May glared at Skye.

"What? It's not like they wouldn't figure it out in five minutes when they stepped out of the plane. That is, before it crashed. Well, technically landed. Crashed gracefully."

Fitz' eyes widened. "My homeland?! What are we doing in Scotland?!"

May groaned. "And now comes the long and mostly boring story that you're going to pester me about for the remaining of our time on here because Skye couldn't wait and tust the system."

"Here's an easy way to avoid it. Just _tell_ them. And me."

"No." May stalked off vaguely to the area that held all of the controls. Wanting answers (and not really knowing what else to do) Skye, Fitz, and Simmons followed.

"Alright, Fitz. You wanted answers? Fix the plane. Maybe enough light will come on this that I can tell you what and why we're here."

Fitz immediately went to work, feeling the cords and their knobbed bunches, working through the system until he found what was wrong.

"Well, that's simple," he said. "We simply ran out of energy. The last person using it forgot to rev it up, and it depleted over the last few hours."

Simmons knit her eyebrows. "But wouldn't it show up in the pilot seat?"

They turned to May, who begrudgingly answered, "Maybe."

Ftiz threw his hands up in the air. "So that's what it was! You ran out of gas and just didn't want to tell us!"

May paused. "I tried to land near an abandoned airport where we could fix the bus, but I didn't know what the problem was. Mostly. I thought there might be something else."

Skye was about to say something when Fitz stopped her. "There's something else."

"What else?"

"Don't you feel that? The vibration? There shouldn't be a vibration when the power's off."

"Stop it, Fitz. This isn't funny."

"I'm being serious!"

May swung Fitz's stick and stepped close enough that everyone else could see each other. "Alright, kids, I lied to Skye. Now hop into the van and saddle in with Aunt May because we're about to be hit harder than you'd ever believe."

"What?" Skye looked offended.

"I ran out of gas, but I still landed correctly. I'll tell you everything if you come with me. Through the door." She led them all through the girls bathroom.

"Are we sure we should be in here?" asked Fitz.

"I don't know. _You're_ the boy." said Skye.

"It's alright. now quiet." Everyone silenced as May began to speak.

"We're on the southwest border of Aberdeen. We aren't here by accident. There's a rebel force that's been aligned with an 0-8-4 and we've been sent to stop it, and somehow, they got word of that. So now they're trying to break in. The vibration you felt? You can only guess to what that might be. We have time. We need to stockpile."

"In the women's bathroom?" Simmons asked increndulously.

May shrugged. "There've been worse places to hide. You and Fitz should go back to the lab and see if you can get anything. I'll go with Skye to somewhere else. Skye, give them your crystal."

"Why don't you give them yours?"

"Because I'm more experienced. Don't argue."

Skye sighed and gave Simmons her Strontium-Prism-Crystallite clumps.

"Ready?"

The scientists nodded.

"I'll meet you back in five."

* * *

**I think that the next part is probably going to be the last one.**

**The quote was from Age of Ultron, by Bruce Banner (Hulk). That movie...  
**

***flails limbs***

***sporiodically***


	5. Chapter 5

**I missed April Fools when I started, so I guess I'll end it on one.**

**I know, I know. Over nine months since the last update. Much procrastination and myself to blame. But it's done! Expect a lot of randomness; I wanted to finish it at least somewhat and made sure certain details were placed in, so I let some parts stay...parts. Enjoy!**

* * *

Creeping around a hallway corner, Fitzsimmons went back the way they came. They scoured the lab silently, making sure to stay close to the light of the crystal. They both took items that were lightweight and reasonably inexpensive.

"Time's almost up."

"Alright." Simmons ran her hand along a lab desk nervously. A gentle hand went over it, forcing it to relax. Simmons looked up.

"It's going to be alright, okay? We've gone through too many things to be taken down by some power outage. Besides, we've still got to see the look on Ward's face, eh? We've still got that to look forward to."

Simmons let out a laugh. Together, they took one last look around the room to make sure everything was in place and walked out, Simmons hand still in Fitz free one, and their others' crammed with supplies.

…

May left Skye with her crystal by the side of a wall, saying that she was going to get artillery, which was just great, in Skye's opinion. She wondered where Ward was. She knew he had already picked up his gun from the lab, so he was self-defensed in ways more than one. He was probably getting himself in his robot mode so he could kick some alien-powered rebel butt (which would be a sight she didn't want to miss out on). Still, she wondered if he was thinking about her. She decided to let him know she was safe.

BANG-BANG-BANG. The sound of her boot connecting with the wall echoed through the corridor.

BANG. BANG. BANG.

BANG-BANG-

"What are you doing?" May appeared around the corner with Icers on her belt and precision-aim long guns. "It's the dead of night! Everyone within a distance of 100 kilometers can hear us."

"I was trying to send out a message to Ward!"

"You can send it later. Let's go."

May stalked off into the darkness. Skye ran after her with a surprised "Hey!" But not too quickly, as that would make her seem like she needed her and that she was afraid of the dark, which she was not. Besides, May had guns, and who doesn't want those? Not Skye. (There was also the point that Skye sort of had to _go_ at the moment, so following May back would really have been the most convenient option.) Having made her point mentally, Skye followed May with slightly greater confidence, assuring herself that Ward and Coulson had everything under control.

…

Fitz, Skye, May and Simmons were sitting cross legged in a circle. May dropped all the weapons she had into the center.

"Alright, so now that we're all here, I-" Skye raised her hand. "I need to pee."

May sighed. "Fine." Skye opened a stall. They waited in silence until she came out and washed her hands.

May had two fingers on the bridge of her nose. "Are you done?"

"Hey, at least we know the water system still works." May glared at Skye for approximately two seconds. "O-KAY! As I was saying, now that we're all here-" Simmons raised her hand. May sucked in a breath. "Yes?"

"How much time do we have left?"

"Not enough. Maybe a few minutes. Pick your weapons fast."

Simmons had held on to her fire extinguisher. It was slightly dented by now, but that didn't really matter to her. May held various guns, most of them non-lethal. Skye had average, entirely lethal guns along with an Icer, while Fitz opted for the night-night gun and some serious looking lab equipment.

"Right, then," May said. "Let's roll."

…

Skye saw the figure before it saw her. It was hiding around the landing gear, looking for a way through the wheel compartment. She pressed the emergency door button, readying her gun.

The sound of the door dropping was louder than she expected, and so was the speed of the 0-8-4. It bored into her as she misfired, the shot chipping off part of the doortop.

Skye gritted her teeth as she wrestled with the unidentified person right before they kicked her in the mouth. She reeled to the ground, striking her leg out in an arc. She rolled off the ground before her opponent could stand and whacked their head with the flat of her gun. They made no comeback move. Skye stood fully up, her face contorting to a grimace, and spat out Scotland dirt.

…

Ward almost smashed Fitz into the ground. Fitz almost shot Ward in the chest. However, neither of those things happened, so their reunion went fairly well considering the occasion they met by.

"Where'd you even…" Fitz trailed off, eyeing the large pipe in Ward's hand. He rubbed his jaw. "You know what, I'm just going to leave you with your iron bar without any questions."

Ward shrugged. "The bus can't use it anyways." Fitz's eyes widened as he nodded slowly. "Ah." He became increasingly nervous as Ward stiffened and narrowed his eyes at him. "Um, Ward?" He started. "Is there something-"

He just barely ducked as Ward swung the pole through the spot his head had been in- and hit something else entirely. Fitz back away and slowly stood up next to Ward. "You could have warned me, you know."

"Ruins my element of surprise. Besides, this guy is crazy strong; his head dented the pole." A side near the end of the iron tube was bashed about a centimeter in.

"So he's fine?" Fitz stared at the unconscious man doubtfully.

"With a head like that? I'd be surprised that he's actually asleep."

"So that's a yes, then?" Ward gave Fitz a look and began to inspect the indented side of the pole, starting to walk away.

"Ward, this isn't funny, I need to know the logistics-" Fitz began running after Ward to catch up. Ward looked back once, then kept up his stride.

…

"How many do you think there are?" Simmons and May huddled around the side of a landing wheel. Simmons turned to May worriedly, clutching her fire extinguisher.

"It depends."

"Depends? Depends on what?"

"On how large Scotland's population is." May stood up and shot into the darkness, then turned around into a high kick, phasing in and out of martial arts skills while she wrestled with seemingly invisible forces. Simmons watched her for a while, jolting back when a figure pulled at her from behind. She screamed for a second and scrambled to her feet, swinging the extinguisher wildly. It connected with an audible thwack, the figure's grip loosening against her. She sighed in relief. Drawing a breath in, she brandished the red can once more, readying herself for another attack.

…

"Ow!"

"Coulson?"

"Yes, don't hit so hard!"

"Wait, Skye, hit him again!"

"What?" Skye looked up so see…Coulson, advancing towards her. She looked back down.

Coulson.

"What?!"

Two bullets out of seemingly nowhere fired between the standing Coulson and the Coulson on the ground. The standing Coulson stood his ground, raising hands up in compliance. "Okay, I'll stay here. But Skye, it's me. You gotta trust me on this one." Skye bit her lip.

"If you're Coulson," she said, "then what is this?" She pulled out a thick black-capped pen from her jacket.

"It's…Skye, that's just a sharpie." Standing Coulson wrinkled his brow, confused. "We need to get the rest of the 0-8-4's rounded up-"

A long metal pipe sliced through the air and hit Coulson in the head, causing him to fall over, unconscious. Ward strode over and picked the pipe back up, shaking out the sleeve which he'd pulled up to throw. "With Coulson, it's never 'just' a sharpie."

The Coulson closest to Skye said in a low voice, "1935, Monteblanc, vintage edition…that's mine, isn't it?"

"Erm, yeah." Skye looked slightly uncomfortable.

"You stole that from me, didn't you?

"Yeah." Skye squirmed.

"I'll talk with you later." Coulson pushed himself up. "And your blows could really use some work. Although I'm flattered," he shouted to the unconscious non-Coulson, "That you'd pretend to be me, out of everyone. Does wonders to my morale." He dusted himself off. "Scotland dirt really does get in everything, doesn't it?"

"Um, sir?" Coulson looked up to a concerned Ward. "There are still others attacking, as far as we know, and their effects vary from person to person. The bus is already down, and we don't know what caused their powers in the first place. Depending on what it is, we may be affected. What do you expect us to do?"

Coulson stared Ward down levelly. "We use it to our advantage and we fight."

The slightest smile grew on Ward's face, although the darkness may have only been playing tricks.

"Yes sir."

...

In all that was left, Ward had his gun, his pole, and his arms. Skye and Fitz had a combination of guns.

Coulson just decided to watch.

Until May arrived with another Coulson. She and Simmons stopped dead. "Phil," May said slowly, glancing between the one next to her and the one on the side, "what is going on?"

No one was really able to answer her.

"May," Ward started, "that's not Coulson."

"He seems real enough," said Simmons, looking at the one she had arrived with. "Why? Did something happen while we were gone?"

"That's because he's acting." The Coulson sitting down to watch stood up. I told you, remember? I'm Coulson, and as your leader, I think I should be kept safe-"

Ward shot him in the middle of his speech.

Silly String came bursting out of the barrel hole and attached itself to Coulson's shoulder.

What?!, Skye mouthed, while Ward just looked around, lost for words. His eyes landed on Fitz.

"It was just a prank," Fitz started, and Ward's eyes widened in rage.

But he stopped, because the Coulson he had shot was changing, becoming…not Coulson, but a middle aged man with sandy brown hair.

Ward looked at the gun with newfound love.

"Wait, so the Silly String cures them?" Fitz's jaw dropped, then turned to Simmons. "The nozzle still works, right?"

Simmons lifted the plastic coil of her now very battered and indented Extinguisher, squeezing down on the trigger. Misty foam squirted onto the nearest Coulson she saw.

"Yes?"

"It's close enough to the materials in Silly String; something in the chemical make-up might work." Fitz stiffened for a moment, debating something, then an unseen force tackled him and he went down. Ward hoisted his gun, aiming, but he sighed, frustrated. "I can't get a clear shot!"

"It's Silly String, you idiot! Just shoot! No, wait! Don't! Ward, DO NOT SHOOT!" Fitz seemed to roll around in the darkness for a bit before he finally managed to get up. He ran into the Bus's open door, a shadowy figure crossing seconds after he disappeared.

"Why would he tell me not to…" Ward trailed off. "Oh." He narrowed his eyes. "He's one of them, isn't he." He couldn't find either Fitz or the figure in the dark, so they must have still been in the Bus. "I'll get you when you come back out…both of you," he muttered. In the meantime, he turned back around to the remaining group. Coulson was out cold. Ward looked at May questioningly.

"I couldn't stand the suspense," she said. He nodded.

"Simmons," May said suddenly, "The people who we knocked down earlier. You know where they are, right?"

Simmons nodded nervously. "Most of them."

"If the spray works-"

"Fitz is a traitor," Ward growled. "We're not sure if what he said was even true."

"Either way, it's better than nothing. The people who are unconscious can have a peaceful transition from the change, and hopefully we won't have to worry about them later."

Ward nodded. "Skye or you should go with her."

May had her skills and an array of weapons. "I'll stay here."

Skye sighed, not wanting to be out of the main action. "Fine. Come on, Simmons, I'll show you where the others are." Both of them watched as they two of them left, alert from anyone else that may come.

"I think this canister of String is almost done. We need to find something else to combat the attackers." As soon as Ward said the words, someone jumped him.

"Argh!"

He shot the last of the string out at his offender. "How many powered people are there?" He asked, half-rhetorically.

May shrugged. "The number seems to be slowing. Only about one or two per minute now."

Simmons and Skye came back, the fire extinguisher dangling from Simmons' arms. "We weren't sure how much to put on each person, and some of them were hard to see."

"We don't have a lot of it left," finished Skye.

A commotion of noise-not a loud one, but in the silence that fell, enough to be heard by everyone- came out the enterance of the Bus.

Ward threw his gun to the floor. "May, you get the shadow figure, I'll handle the rest." May nodded, getting into position.

Fitz streaked out with something red in his hands, but not fast enough to dodge the interception from Ward. He grabbed him into a back-necked chokehold, right elbow connecting with Fitz's stomach. The thing that Fitz was holding fell to the floor, rolling down the platform.

A fire extinguisher.

Unused.

Bright and shining in the rising moon.

"Simmons!" Fitz shouted quickly. "Spray it all over the ground, as much as you can-" Ward squeezed, and he stopped talking. Simmons quickly snatched up the canister, unloading the lock, tuning the nozzle. Now she held two of them, one bent and almost used up, the other just opened. Or reopened. The lock seemed loose.

"Simmons, it's not Fitz. I don't know what his power is, but you can use up the last of what you know works to stop this havoc from happening."

_Or take a risk and do what he says._ She could only choose one. She looked at the canisters. Her gaze shifted to the first one, _her_ first one. The red was beginning to peel off. She looked up at Fitz. He gave her a small smile, one edge quirking up.

She readied the nozzle.

The foam in the canister shot out into the ground, illuminating the stark contrast for a moment before beginning to dissolve.

"Simmons!" Ward was aghast, and then Fitz kicked his leg up backwards and he had other things to worry about.

Fitz's appearance was in a definite 'Come at me, bro,' arms spreading wide with a large grin. "Scotland dirt," he said. "It gets in everything." Then he scowled. "And who's bright idea was it to haul me up in all that?"

Skye's brow furrowed. "What?"

Fitz clarified. "Whatever's in the antidote's now in the dirt. So whoever steps on the dirt-"

"Gets a full dose of the antidote." Simmons grinned. "Fitz, you're a genius."

Fitz's dimples were starting to show through, making him look like some evil Mickey Mouse face with the dark over everything.

"The shadowhunter."

"What?" Fitz's smile dimmed in confusion.

May continued, "The person who followed you in. Where is he?"

"Oh, he's inside. I just wanted to make sure that the foam worked before setting it all over the place." He glanced at Ward, staring at him darkly. "I guess not all of us caught onto the plan."

…

"So it turns out it wasn't actually the material itself-"

"Silly String, extinguisher foam,"

"but the compressed air which mingled with one of the ingrediants."

Skye's brows raised, but she wrote it all down on the notebook with a ballpoint pen.

FitzSimmons were back in their lab, showing modules of the chemical makeup in their report on the hologrid. Glass was everywhere. Microscopes were askew on the tables. The now empty and battered, possibly hazardous fire extinguisher lay beside them, a token of their adventure.

"Do you know what caused all of it in the first place?"

"Well, we did notice...one thing," Fitz began falteringly. Skye looked up in askance.

"Scented-"

"Substance. Coming in the compatible form of keychain dogs."

"Apparently it's a real thing. They don't, however, want to put one in the Macy's parade. Not that it's important," Fitz added quickly.

"The scent had some attribute to a chemical disruption. We couldn't find an actual module, but the traces we found in sources tested were similar."

"Not identical?"

"Different scents probably had different outcomes, possibly also leading to the varied results in powers the people had last night."

"If there wasn't any model, how do you know the _keychains_ exist? They could have just been...I don't know, eating pancakes."

Fitz and Simmons debated who was going to give the answer. Finally Simmons replied, "We took information from a few of the people the powder previously inhabited. What they gave was the same."

"A test run, some trial given in the mail. They couldn't tell us a name, but they received some notion that a new shipment might be coming in and assumed it was ours."

"They were in the earliest stages of addiction, but whatever was mixed in was clearly very potent. We're trying to recover the source, but anything like this is probably...hard to find." Simmons had trailed off, trying to avoid a certain wording.

"Right," Skye said slowly, cutting to the chase. "So you're assuming it's alien because it gave alien powers."

"Yes, yes- that exactly." Simmons smiled. Her smile remained all the way until Skye left. Then it slid right off.

"Fitz," she started, "I think we had more leads with Slozcheckistan."

…

"So you took my 1935 Monteblanc _vintage_ edition."

"…Yup." Skye accented the word, not really sure what to say.

Coulson sighed. "You could have just taken a normal pen." He couldn't really bring himself to be upset; after all, it was so small compared to everything else- which he was continually getting filled in on during every visit. Ward was sullen, Skye was just _Skye_, and Simmons wouldn't let go of her lab extinguisher, which he was sure had seen better days. "At least we're all back. May's running through the energy levels right now. We should be ready to take off soon. Just…" he sighed again. "Just go clean something. We're going to have to get rid of most of the wreckage before we land." Before Director Fury asks for an explanation was what Coulson meant, but he didn't say it out loud.

He watched the amber door close as Skye left the room, rubbing his forehead.

"Kids these days," he muttered.

…

"Silly String."

There was a pause.

"You filled Ward's gun with Silly String."

Simmons looked at Fitz, both unsure of what to say. Coulson jarred his hand down on the table, scattering various holograms.

"Where would you even get such a thing?!"

Fitz searched for words. "Well, there was Brett Erlich on Level Three who has access to these things."

"We sort of had a deal."

"He wanted a hug."

"And an autograph."

"It worked out fine."

"Agent Brett on Level 3." Coulson's brow burrowed. "Do I know him?"

"He said he knew you."

Coulson's eyes widened. "Brett!" An explosion went off, but not at them.

"He was supposed to bring me cake!" He shouted angrily before calming down. "Yeah, I know Brett. But you did all that for one can of Silly String?"

"Not exactly."

Fitz rubbed the back of his neck. "We have twenty shipments stuck in the closet right now with more on the way. It's a bit overwhelming, actually. At this point, I think he's just giving them to stay in touch."

"But we couldn't turn it down, and he seemed so eager…"

"Of course," Coulson waved them off absentmindedly. "I'll deal with him later. But twenty shipments…That's going to take a lot to clean up."

"Especially when Ward gets back to his room."

"What?!" Coulson carried a look of disbelief. Fitzsimmons glanced at each other. Might as well go with it the whole way.

"Oh," said Simmons nonchalantly while Fitz gave a grin, "We didn't tell you about that?"

* * *

**And so it ends. Or does it? *dun dun dunnnnn***

**References, foreshadowing, plot left open- **

** Reviews ****or a saying of whether this story should continue on ****would be most welcomed and helpful. ;P**

**Thanks for reading! So much. May the shenanigans live on.**


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